How Solid Boundaries Help You Find the Love You Deserve by Psychic Judy

When you think of love, do you think of the word “boundaries”? Most people usually don’t give much thought to their boundaries, but that can be a big mistake in the search for true love. So how can boundaries help you find the love you deserve? Let’s learn more about boundaries, including a few helpful tips on when and how to set them.

What are Boundaries?

A boundary is a personal limit that someone puts in place to safeguard their welfare, values, feelings, or anything else that is important to them. It lets other people know what you feel comfortable with and what you are willing to tolerate. It’s up to you to clearly state or follow through on your boundaries. Otherwise, it’s much harder to get someone else to respect a boundary you won’t stand up for.

There are many types of boundaries. Seven common ones are physical, sexual, intellectual, financial, personal, emotional, and time (your availability). The exact place each boundary falls can vary from person to person. For instance, some people are comfortable with open relationships, so long as a potential partner agrees to regular STD testing, while another person is only comfortable with a monogamous relationship. In the first case, agreeing to regular testing is a boundary. In the second, being monogamous is the boundary.

It's very helpful to make a dating boundaries list before you start dating. Before you dive into any new relationships, you may want to spend some time meditating and journaling to really figure out what is truly important to you in love connection and what boundaries you need. This will help you as you go forward and create the love you deserve with compassion and respect for both you and any potential partner. 

Why are Boundaries Important in a Relationship?

Boundaries are crucial in fostering a positive and powerful loving connection. Good boundaries support and foster harmony in a relationship when all parties involved respect them. They also require honest and open communication, which is not only vital in a healthy relationship, it also ensures people’s needs are being met at a much higher level overall.

Both Partners Need Healthy Boundaries

Let's face it, when your partner's needs are being met, they for sure will be much happier in the relationship. With boundaries, both you and your partner will feel seen, heard, listened to, and respected. Without clear, stated boundaries you and/ or your partner may put up walls instead.

What’s the difference between a wall and a boundary? With walls, there’s no discussion, no communication, and no way of learning what the other person needs. Resentment grows easily behind walls and those walls get harder to break when either of you has unmet needs pile up. When you look within to discover your needs and state them clearly, you help your partner to give you the exact kind of happiness you are looking for and vice versa. Setting boundaries is not just an act of self-love, it’s teaching your partner how to make you feel loved. 

How to Set Boundaries

In order to be effective in creating your own boundaries and supporting your partner's boundaries, it is going to be very important for you both to be effective listeners. Both parties truly need to be able to hear each other. If one person is always talking and never listening, this can cause a lot of conflict in a relationship because one person will always feel as if they are never being heard. This may take a bit of practice in some cases. Unfortunately, many people are used to only listening to someone just to respond to them, instead of truly understanding what is being said. The good news is that listening is a skill. Any skill can be learned with time and practice.

Another great tool to use when setting boundaries with anyone is knowing your inner self. You can’t communicate something you aren’t clear about. If you aren’t in touch with your needs and have difficulty explaining your boundaries, it will be hard for anyone to follow them. Even after you’ve done the initial work to start to identify your boundaries, you need to regularly make time for self-reflection—just to make sure your needs are being met and that they haven’t changed.

You may be wondering how to set boundaries politely without causing a lot of conflict in your relationship. If you have not established any prior to starting the relationship, start with some small boundaries. Try to be grounded and as direct as possible and use firm but respectful words. Be sure to thank your partner whenever they respect or follow the boundaries that you put in place. Be open to your partner setting their own boundaries too.

Remember, you never need to apologize for setting boundaries. If your partner is refusing to follow them, this may not be the right relationship for you. Be very clear, letting your partner know that they must respect what you have asked of them. If their actions regularly clash against the boundaries that you have clearly stated, you aren’t compatible. You may have to end the relationship. Anyone that truly respects you and loves you will not have any issues respecting your boundaries.

 When to Set Boundaries

The best time to set a boundary is before any conflict, and ideally at the beginning of a relationship. In the heat of an argument, it will be much harder to be understood. Having communication prior to a disagreement will set a much better foundation for effective communication when conflicts arise. You both will be clear-headed and much more likely to be receptive to each other’s needs.

If you didn’t get a chance to set boundaries early on, it doesn’t mean you can never set them. There is no bad time to start communicating more openly with your partner.

Ideas for Setting Boundaries

Let's create some helpful ideas of boundaries together to get you started on your way to creating the love you deserve. One of the most important parts of a boundary is having the ability to say 'no” without feeling guilty. Get comfortable with saying no in small situations and pay attention to how you feel afterwards. Yes, you might feel uncomfortable at first, but when that passes, do you feel freer, lighter, more authentically yourself? Remember that feeling the next time you feel like you need to say no to strengthen your resolve.

Another important boundary may be to have the freedom to choose your own spiritual beliefs within your relationship. You don’t need to follow their beliefs and they don’t need to follow yours, but both of you should respect that they are important. Do you have time to devote to your spiritual beliefs without your partner being dismissive or even sarcastic? Tell them clearly what you need (for example: a shelf in your bedroom as an altar, ten uninterrupted minutes a day to meditate, time to read or watch spiritually themed media) and repeat as needed.

Finally, when considering which boundaries to set, always refer back to your principles in specific areas like sex, privacy, finances, or any area important to you. You have the right to change your mind, but you also must keep communication open with your partner when you do.

Now that you have some helpful tools to create boundaries in love and find the love you deserve, have fun diving into the world of love with boundaries and expanding your love connection. Put your boundaries to the test and enjoy healthy and secure, lasting relationships and stay clear of dysfunctional ones. Remember, boundaries may make some people leave, but it will also cause the right people to stay.  If you need any help or some more helpful tips, our very talented advisors are here to help guide you on your journey, so please give us a call anytime.